Ben #03-184

(Fostered in Twin Cities Metro Area)

In anticipation of my new foster dog, I always spend some time thinking about him before I actually meet him. I spend time visualizing what his home life was like, wondering about his personality and try to reason surrendering a wonderful dog. I do all this from just the short email description that I receive from RAGOM.

Ben is a 13 year old, neutered male. We know that Ben was neglected and abused in his early years. He spent the first six years of his life in a kennel without human or canine companionship and sometimes without food or water. A neighborhood woman found Ben wandering the streets. The good neighbor returned him to his home only to find an abusive situation. She required the abusive family to surrender the dog to her. She kept Ben for seven years. Ben spent his time with another dog his age and a cat. Years past and his mom married and began creating her family. She now has three children under the age of three. Ben was surrendered, as the family didn't feel safe leaving young children unattended for any length of time with an old dog. Ben has never shown any aggression towards humans. However, he once bit the cat.

I believe that Ben was longing for a quiet life to enjoy the rest of his retirement. A life without young children yelling, crying and crawling all over him. One where his family can take the time to pet and speak softly to him. One where he can lay on the living room floor or outside under a tree to chew his bone for hours on end. Where he can take slow afternoon walks taking in his surroundings such as the song of a bird, the smell of the fresh summer air, the breeze on his face, a quick chat and pet from the neighbor.

People always ask me how I can take a foster dog into my home and then let it go only to be adopted by another family, forever. They always ask, "Isn't it hard? Don't you get sad?" Yes, it's hard. It's sad, lonely, difficult, worrisome, happy, proud, anxious, and fulfilling. It's God's work. Yep, the fact of the matter is that it IS hard! You need to know your role. I know that every dog I take in will be leaving me. I know my purpose.

It wasn't until I started volunteering for RAGOM that I really understood that one could not enjoy the gift of love without enduring pain. I have experienced pain with love (haven't we all?) but I have never fully understood that one can not exist without the other.

Loving a golden retriever is perfect love, as perfect as one could ever hope to experience. Agape love.

Goldens are always happy to see you. They miss you when you're gone…even when you've just gone to the bathroom. They never grump at you for being sick or tired. They always want to do exactly what you want to do (watch movies, walk, go to the store or lie in bed all day). They never judge. They tell it exactly how it is…no beating around the bush- no Minnesota Nice. If you do something rude, they tell you immediately and then forgive. They never hold a grudge. They are more loyal than any human I have ever met. They protect, love, cuddle, kiss, entertain, worship, please and love unconditionally. Is there any other way to describe perfect love??? It seems strange that with such perfect love that one would experience pain. Even if I were to adopt every dog that came to me through RAGOM (imagine a fantasyland with endless doggie resources) I would still endure pain. Dogs get injured, sick, tired, sore, stiff, grow old and eventually take that final walk over the Rainbow Bridge. One can not escape that pain, the pain you feel from loving another and experiencing with them this thing we call life. So, my answer to the question is yes. And fulfilling. Proud. Sad. Lonely. Worrisome. Anxious. Happy. Grateful. Necessary. Giving. Loving.

We, as fosters, know our purpose. It's not about what we can gain from these dogs. It's what we can do to assist, comfort and protect them. What we get in return, without ever wanting anything in return, is beyond what can be described in words. Once again I'll try to explain. Purpose. Pride. Fulfillment. Community. Agape love. However, those are merely adjectives and mean nothing without the experience.

Yes, Ben will most likely die in the next three years (heck, he could go tomorrow). He's healthy now but things can change quickly at his age. I can tell you honestly that in one day with Ben you've experienced Agape love. You've been touched in ways that many people have never experienced before. You will ever forget him. Even after one day. Besides, it's not about you. It's about him. Protecting and loving him. Knowing your role, knowing your purpose, that's amazing love.

UPDATES:

10/31/03:  Benny-boo took his walk over the rainbow bridge last night.

Michele L. and I were there with him; he went peacefully. Ben had decided that it was time to go as he quit eating and taking his medications four days ago. He was soon too weak to walk. He no longer found joy in life - he hadn't given us any tail wags or doggie smiles in the past week. Ben is well again and has an endless supply of treats and tennis balls - his two favorite things.

I know that I couldn't have loved him more, but I do wish that I could have loved him longer.

10/15/03:  Benny Boo is sick. Last week Ben had three masses removed from his throat. The vet said that it was a difficult surgery to do since the tumors were growing around Jugular Vein. However, Ben came out of surgery and we thought all was well. Unfortunately, the results of the lab work confirm that the masses are an aggressive cancer of the lymph nodes (Hodgkin's Disease).

We knew that something was wrong even before the test results were in to us. Ben has been feeling under the weather for the last few days and recently lost his appetite, however, if he does eat he has had difficulty keeping it down. The swelling on the incision has not gone down and therefore the vet thought it possible that the cancer is already back as it can be THAT aggressive. Ben is going to stay in long term foster care instead of being adopted. However, his adoptive mom and foster mom will be caring for him and keeping him comfortable until he decides it's time to take the walk over the Rainbow Bridge. Keep Benny in your prayers. Also, please keep his "almost" adoptive mom in your prayers too as she is very sad. Thanks RAGOM for paying for medications to keep Benny comfortable.

10/6/03:  Hello. Ben here. I've got some good and bad news- which do you want first?! Hmmm, I guess we'll start with the bad news. I have to go in for surgery on Thursday. I have a large lump on my throat that needs to be removed. Originally, my foster mom thought it was my Adam's apple- do dogs even have Adam's apples?!?!?!?! Anyway, so I have to be put under to have it removed then it will be sent in to see if it's cancer. I'm lucky to have RAGOM so that I can have it removed. Send your prayers my way in hopes that it's not cancer.

Ok, so now for the good news!! I have found my perfect forever family!!! My foster mom's cousin/room mate, Tracy, (the gorgeous girl in the Halloween photo with me) and her husband Mike, (the other hottie in the same photo) love me soooooo much that they have decided to adopt me after my surgery!!!!!!!! Mike is in the Army and is being sent to Kosovo for 10 months. Tracy and I will live with my foster mom until Mike comes home- then we will buy a house of our own!!! Tracy and Mike are so sweet to me. Mike loves to play frisbee and ball with me. Tracy tells me that I am "so pritty" and that she "just loves me so much." I hear it about 10 times a day- I tell her that I know she loves me by the way she treats me but she still feels the need to say it out loud!! Women, they are so darn gushy about their emotions...

Ya know what else???? Tracy and Mike both have jeeps just like my foster mom. I love to ride around with them in the back, without Diva, she jumps around too much to allow me to enjoy the ride.

So things are pretty much the same but different for me. I'm a lucky dog!!!!

So, please say a prayer for me and Dr. Novak at Olin Animal Hospital that we will stay healthy and safe. Also, please pray for safety for my new dad when he's away in Kosovo! I'm really going to miss him!!

9/19/03:  Ben likes to sleep in small enclosed spaces (corners and closets) - yesterday he threw all the shoes and stuff out of Tracy's closet so that he could take a nap. In the process he destroyed the bottom drawer to a plastic storage container. I told Tre-Dawg that she's gonna have to clean out her closet to make a bed for Ben....AS IF WE HAVE EXTRA CLOSET SPACE IN OUR 1950's HOME!!!!! It's all about the comfort and convenience of the dog, doncha know?! Tracy seemed to forgive Ben for messing up her room as seen in the Halloween photo with Tre-Dawg, Mike and Ben. The dogs don't always eat off forks in our house but sometimes "ya just gotta do what ya gotta do" to get the good shots....

Ben and I (we are now referred to as Bennifer) have something else in common as Halloween is his favorite holiday too!!! Ben decided that he's going to dress up as a devil this year as he's been getting into a little mischief lately! He can't seem to keep his paws off the baked goods on the kitchen counter (he can't jump in the back of the Jeep without a push but he can get baked goods off the counter?!?!?). Who can figure these boys out?!?! Gotta luv 'em though as they are so darn sweet!!!

9/11/03:  Best dog EVER! Ben continues to be a joy! Everyone who comes into my house falls completely in love with him.

He's taking Rimadyl for his arthritis and I put Glucosamine on his food as well. I also have him on a raw diet- which he LOVES! I bought the Glucosamine then read the back label...it says that Glucosamine is found in raw meat and veggies. I noticed that his back end was doing better and thought it might be due to his raw diet and pain killers. He was probably getting more Glucosamine from the raw diet than he was before...and probably doesn't need it anymore, however, it's too late to return it so I'll continue to give it to him. It's very important that Ben stays on the trim side as any additional weight will aggravate his arthritis.

Ben enjoys sleeping in my cousin/roomate's room...and she loves it too! He fits in perfectly at our house. We love having him around (I think he likes us too!). That's it for now. See you at the picnic!!

8/11/03:  Ben here. I had such a relaxing week with my mom and my foster sister, Diva. We went "up north" to "the lake" for seven days and stayed at "the cabin!" Diva told me it took a long time to get there but I slept the entire way so it seemed like "the blink of an eye" and we were there! We were immediately greeted by Alex, they call him a "mutt;" Tess, a spastic one year old golden; and her older sister Mia, another golden. I like them all real well. I was so excited to play fetch with the other dogs, I kinda forgot my age (and worn down joints) so I jumped off the end of the dock into the lake. Yikes, I wish someone would have told me that was the "shallow" end! Once I was in the water I swam a bit (it felt good to stretch my legs) but then I couldn't get out of the water! My foster mom almost threw her back out lifting me out of the water onto the dock. Now we have a "system" for getting me out of the water (which basically means that my foster mom doesn't try to stay dry or clean while lifting my heavy carcass out of the water- she just changes her clothes afterwards!). We ate a lot, as always. Apparently that's what they "do" at the cabin. We also did a lot of relaxing, Alex dug me a hole to lay in under the tree. I took a lot of naps, ate some bones, played ball and ate again, napped, took a dip in the lake....ate again... you get the point. Dog stuff.

We went over to my foster auntie's house a few times. She also has a one year old golden named Tess (yes, really there are two 1 year old female goldens named Tess in their family). Tess really took a liking to me, if you know what I mean. Those young pups really like the old "seasoned" dogs as we've been around the block once or twice. She's cute and spunky so I liked her too. While at auntie's house, my foster mom tried to impress her 12 year old nephew by doing some "off roading" in the jeep. I rode in the back. It was fun but bumpy- it's tough to nap while bouncing around the back of a jeep!

We're home now, I'm back into my routine of napping on the living room floor while mom goes off to "bring home the bacon" (it's good stuff too!). Auntie Tracy graduated from college this week and moved in with us. She's home during the days to play with me and let me outside while the weather is still warm. I like auntie Tracy real well. I've decided that I'm going to sleep in her room so I don't have to listen to Diva snore in mom's room. Tracy likes that I sleep in her room--I heard she wanted to get a puppy...I'll cure her of that puppy envy by showing her how a "real" dog behaves....tune in for more next week. Wuv, Ben

7/24/03:  Ben continues to be a joy! He's an "instant" family member; just add food and water and you'll have your perfect family dog. No training required! We went to the vet to get updated on his vaccinations as he was overdue as his family was contemplating putting him to sleep. However, they decided to give him to RAGOM instead as he is still in good health. His fecal and heartworm tests came back negative. However, Ben was treated for heartworm several years ago. It didn't leave known lasting affects as Dr. Morrisette stated that his "ticker" sounds good. Ben also had knee surgery years ago. I don't know which knee, however, I notice he sometimes loses his balance or stumbles on rough terrain specifically with his rear leg. He has yucky teeth so he's going to visit Dr. Morrisette again next week to get them cleaned up. Ben is motivated by food (and thus eats well). His surrendering family stated that his three favorite things are food, attention and tennis balls- in that order. It's true!

I think Ben is enjoying the quietness of my house. He absolutely loves to chew on beef femur bones...for hours on end. He gets a new bone every evening after our 2 miles walk and a dip in the lake. He is very gentle with dogs of all sizes. However, my dog, Diva, is not so gentle as she decided to give Ben a good beating his first day at my house. She seems to be very particular about HER yard. Ben just cowered and took the beating. They get along fine now. I still keep them separated while I'm at work just to be safe. You can see the "owie" Diva gave Ben below his left eye. Dr. Morrisette said that he'll just look older now with the scar.

Rusty, (02-270), an old RAGOM puppymill stud, came over to play with Ben on Saturday. Ben greeted Rusty with a good tail waggin' and some nice butt sniffs. They played in the pool together. He is also good with my neighbor's small dog.

Ben is a little hard of hearing (or maybe he's just being a boy! Haha!) however, he really doesn't need to hear as he just follows whatever Diva and I are doing. Velcro dog. He doesn't bark-EVER! He walks perfect on a leash-without a gentle lead. He likes car rides but needs a push to get out of the Jeep after our 2 mile walk. He loves the feel of the breeze on his face when riding in the Jeep.

Ben has had a couple "instances" so far. Saturday night he projectile vomited across my living room. I suspect he ate doggie dodo as it smelled more like it should have came out the opposite end. He hasn't been sick since. The whole thing was very random and sudden. Then this morning he sneezed and got a bloody nose. At first I panicked and thought, "Oh gosh, he has cancer." I then came to my senses and realized he just popped a blood vessel from the pressure of sneezing. I'll have Dr. Morrissette take a peek next week when he's under for his teeth cleaning.

Ben waits for his perfect forever home. He is welcome to stay with me for as long as it takes to ensure that he gets a quiet home with lots of love and doggie bones!